Geez, two in like a week - the world may be ending ;)

Been doing a lot of observation lately, both of myself and other people. It's strange to see that you're changing, practically in front of your own eyes, but you don't notice, 'cause we like to think we can count on who we are.

I used to joke about being ADD - now I've got a full blown case. I can't sit and be passive anymore. I used to be able to read books for hours and hours at a time...now I have to stop about every 10 minutes because the pressure to *do* something gets too much. I basically can't watch TV anymore, at least not without 2 or 3 other things going on at the same time to keep the itch down. On the flip side, when I'm doing something, I can get absorbed for hours...painting, CGI, bodybuilding - my life has by necessity become one of activity. On the positive side, I feel more creative and aware than I ever have before, it's just that the neurons are firing so fast I can't *stop*.

Not sure if I should qualify that as a good or a bad thing...maybe it just is. It has started some pretty severe changes in my life, and changes are a bit like an avalanche, they lead to other changes ;)

Now, on to other people....or more accurately, my reaction to other people. I feel like I've become hyper-aware of passive aggression and trained helplessness in people around me. Everywhere I look, I feel like people are trying to manipulate me into feeling a certain way, or into doing things. I'm asked for favors in situations where it would be uncomfortable to say 'No.' I'm given half-baked but emotionally charged reasons why people can't do the things they said they would. I'm confronted by people who would rather leech off their friends by milking sympathy than they would do something on their own.

What the hell people? I had to laugh to Vickie this morning that I can see why some people become more Republican as they get older - it seems like everywhere I look, there are more and more people who would rather rely on manipulating the goodwill of others than do something for themselves. (Don't worry, I don't see me voting for McCain any time soon!)

A couple of years ago, I got into a huge fight with someone at a New Year's Party by telling her there were only two responses to any situation - deal with it, or change it. Whining and crying about how your situation is so black, and no one understands you, and you just don't know how you can cope, blah blah blah blah blah - Means NOTHING.

I am not special. I get scared. I feel alone and frustrated. I often feel like a complete idiot, and many times think that people are laughing at me behind my back. I think these are emotions that are common to all of humanity. What you do about them is what makes you alive. You have a choice. You can mope that the world isn't the way you want it to be, or you can try something to change it. If that something doesn't solve the complete problem, you can continue on with something else.

There are no god-damned miracle cures. Problems exist because they are difficult - if they weren't, they'd already be solved! I hazard a guess though, that if you spent half the energy on solving real-life problems as you do solving video-game ones, things would be a damn-sight better. All problems can be broken down to their component parts and examined. In my experience, I've found that a large part of what most people think of as "problems" are actually our reactions to not wanting to deal with the situation. Usually, the underlying situation is ludicrously simple. Fear complicates things. Frank Herbert was right, fear is the mind-killer, the little death that leads to the big death.

"I can't do blah, because people won't like me!" Have you *asked* people what their reaction would be? Does it matter if they like you or not? I don't require the bank teller to like me, I require them to do their jobs. Same with almost everyone I work with. This last year at school, I decided to be a hard-ass teacher (at least for an ALT). No games, no playtime in class, just writing essays and *working*. At the end of the year, I am respected by my students far more than the actual teachers, usually female, who stress about being popular with the students, and end of getting walked on. Your students liking you is a non-issue. Your co-workers liking you is only an issue as far as it takes to interact with them on a daily basis. These are not problems.

"My life is hard, so I can't do blah." Cry me a fucking river. I've seen people with hard lives. I've seen guys in Cambodia who had their arms and face blown off by landmines. You? You do not have a hard life. I'm going to venture a statement that anyone with Internet is probably ahead when it comes to the hard life curve. Grow up and do what needs to be done.

"I don't know what I should do...please tell me...." Yeah, whatever. You are not helpless. If I know you well enough to count you in this list, you are at least 24 years old, with a college degree. You were supposed to learn how to solve problems in school, right? Well, apply some intellectual rigor to your own life and quit looking for me to give you a magic pill. Even if I were to tell you what I thought you should do, you'd just say, "Well, I'm not like you, Seth" - You DON'T WANT to know what to do, because then you'd have to take responsibility for your life....which, you know what? You have to do anyway! Oh, and as a side-note, keeping yourself as deliberately ignorant as you can is not how to live your life either! It is inexcusable for a person in their 20s to not know anything about filing taxes, world governments, or filling out student aid applications for grad school. You should be ashamed of yourself for going this long without educating yourself, and there's no time like the present to start!

*laugh* The funny thing is, there will be two kinds of people who read this - those I'm actually talking about, who will think, "Yeah, person 'X' is horrible", and those I'm not, who will probably say "Why is Seth saying such mean things about me!"

So yeah, sick of passive aggressive behavior. Take some responsibility for who you are! If you're unhappy about something, do something about it. In the words of my friend Jake, "Build a bridge, and get the fuck over it."